Saturday, May 28, 2011

Don't Go There!: Movies that Should Never have been Remade (The Horror Edition)

I was sitting in my living room at 2 in the morning last night a the remake of the film Psycho (Original-
Psycho 1960 POSTER 11960, Remake-1998) was on HBO.  As I sat and watched (for the first time) I noticed something that I had been told, this is a shot for remake of the original film.  That fact was one of the reasons I have always avoided seeing it, but why make that remake?  The director Gus Van Sant is well regarded independent film maker and this is a huge blemish on his resume.  This film (well what i could watch) was a pointless foray because Van Sant created nothing new and tarnished the bran of a classic (one of the worst crimes a director can commit).  This is a classic film that should have just been left alone.

After this I thought about that scene in Scream 4 where Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettiere) had to list of all the horror remakes as she was trying to save her life.  Here is a list of all the films that were Horror Film Remakes (Amityville Horror-Original-1979, Remake-2005, A Nightmare on Elm Street-Original-1984, Remake-2010, Friday the 13th-Original-1980, Remake-2009, Texas Chainsaw Massacre-1974, Remake-2003, Prom Night-1980, Remake-2008, Halloween, Original-1978, Remake-2007, The Hills Have Eyes, Original-1977, Remake-2006, My Bloody Valentine, Original 1981, Remake-2009, House of Wax, Original-1953, Remake-2005, When a Stranger Calls, Original-1979, Remake-2006).  to be fair i made sure I went on to look at their quote section to catch all of the films Kirby lists.  I have seen mostly all of the originals, and avoided most of the remakes (with good reason).

 I know some of you will argue with me that Rob Zombie's take on the Halloween films is an original reboot and it gives the viewers more back story on Michael Myers, but I don't need that back story.  The lack of knowing makes things scarier, don't over explain things.  The original Halloween is a classic.  Jaime Lee Curtis is the scream queen, and you can't mess with her movies.

Prom Night is another classic, and the remake was probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  One of my biggest pet peeves with remake was that I thought the killer was sexy.  Now don't laugh at me, but look at pictures of him in that movie, if I were that film part of me would question whether I should run toward or away from him.  Sorry, Brittany Snow you just can't hack it the way Ms. Lee Curtis did.

The reason the original films work is because they are iconic in a genre that used to value substance over casting.  In the older movies they casted people who were looking to start their careers (and they still do this) but the newer versions tend to steal from modeling world or people who have no business being in a film.  Paris Hilton starring in the remake of House of Wax is an insult; she is a talentless hack who doesn't have enough of loyal fan base to pull in major box office numbers.

After watching some of each of these remakes and comparing them to their originals I quickly changed the channel, not because i was scarred (although) but because these original horror films created great scary storytelling, and their reboot has ruined something classic.  Each of these films has violated the sacred elements of the horror film genre, and actually dislike this genre, but when I think about the older versions of the films they were solid films (not in the Academy Award winning vein, but they were well made).  Today the horror genre is such a mess and someone needs to go into the studios that turn out the schlock that they should take the time to actually invest in creating something worthwhile.  Stop remaking all these classics and come up with new things!    Another note the new doesn't need to involve the torture, keep scary simple.  The Saw series has cast a dark cloud on horror.  I think Paranormal Activity 1 and 2 has taken this genre in a great direction.  These movies are cheap to make, I get it but put a little more time into them and come up with something new!!

No comments: